Here’s the deal!

Okay guys . . . here’s the deal. My .Mac account is still f**ked up. At least (as of today) I’ve been emailed by .Mac support. I do not have any idea how long it may take to resolve this issue. I’ve decided not to podcast until a resolution of this problem. If I cannot get my full account to work I will inquire of .Mac about canceling it and opening a new account. I know the problem is with my full accounts iDisk. I’ve been able to publish my site with the trial account. That’s why you see a website when you go to nickthomas.org. But the space limitations make it impossible to upload my complete site to the trial account. I’m just in a holding pattern here and I’m not liking it at all. Damn it to hell. I noticed some sweet soul left a kind review of my podcast on iTunes. Thanks man (whoever you are) I really appreciate your words. See, there are guys out there who love me after all. Unfortunately, this kind review will likely disappear if I can’t get my issues with .Mac resolved. Hope he’ll post again when I return to iTunes. And I hope you guys will remain with me. I don’t think Apple or .Mac is having a problem with the content of my podcast or website. There are other people who are experiencing these same issues. I was productive this afternoon. I called the association for the town homes and asked what color paint to use for the shutters and front door. The lady said most people are using green or blue. So I went with a nice shade of green, my favorite color. I also washed my car and actually went shirtless out in the front yard for all to see. I have to tell you that I’ve never been comfortable showing my body in such a way. I wished I had the kind of chest and arms I’d be proud to display. But I feel rather inadequate in the muscle department. I’ve always admired nice toned male bodies. Maybe this is why I’m gay? I want what I don’t have. The perfect image of a male. And so because I can never find perfection I continue to look. Continue to seek that which I cannot find. Perfection. I’ll stop my self analysis now. I called Jeremy’s sister last evening. She says Jeremy is at his mom’s apartment. She says he’s been to the Doctor a couple of times. I’m happy to hear that Jeremy has seen a doctor. But I’m fearful that his mom is content to have an emotionally disturbed son. Jeremy’s aunt Joyce knows Jeremy needs in-care treatment or commitment. I guess I should have known his mom wouldn’t seek the only solution that will work for Jeremy. Now I’m wondering if I’ll ever see Jeremy again. I’m lonely here. Jeremy drove me crazy these past few months. But I miss him. I don’t find any purpose to life. Nothing seems to work for me anymore. Even with all that I’ve attained in these last few months I am left with a feeling of emptiness. Whatever.